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A School that was shit!
This is the many stories from a local school for the stupid humans, I used a cunning disguise to sneak in and walk amongst them...

Notes
These are some extracts from my communications with my friend while in the stupid crapper of a school

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Who helped of hindered my progress in making this site.

Fucker Bastard's PCs
This is my own private computer firm, they manufacture PCs for the lesser humans. I had one of my many minions of death and destruction make this site.
 

One day i decided to use a cunning disguise and sneak into a normal school in England, it was, to say the least amusing. One of my friends came along to.
 
 

There is a boy who went to the school, his name I shall not, let us just call him, umm, lets see now.....Fred!, that's a good name.

Fred was in my class, he never did any work, he had some of the worst wrighting you could ever imagine, once he is said to have just made squiggles on the paper for his work and the teacher did not know the difference. Fred suffered from migrans a lot, he had them very often, and he soon learnt that he could use this to his advantage. Every time he "did my homework but fogot to bring it in" he had a migraine just before the lesson started, and he managed to get away with not doing any work what so ever in his entire school life.

Once, after getting caught for not bringing in homework for 4 weeks in a row the teacher got a bit annoyed. Fred had promised to bring it in the next day, but had managed to break his thumb after a bile crash and so missed the next week of school. He came back for one morning and was fine, he was squiggling away in the Art lesson, and when it came to the English lesson (the lesson he had homework for) he suddenly had a pain in his thumb, followed by a migraine.

Me and my friends got into English and sat down, we told the teacher why Fred was not here and she seemed a bit pissed. She got up and went over to the small room at the side of the class, she came out with a large pump action shotgun and a box of rounds, she proceeded to load the gun and walk out of the room. We followed her down the corridor and to the seats that Fred was sat at. 
"Ok, Where is your work?" she demanded
"I have done it but i broke my thumb so i couldn't do it" whimpered Fred
The gun made a 'click click' noise as she loaded a shell into firing position
"One More Time, Where Is It?" she asked
"Ill bring it tomorrow"
Bang! Fred's leg fell of from the knee down, he cried in pain, this time it was 'real' pain.
"You haven't done it have you?"
"Yes, i have but I"
Click Click Bang, his other leg fell to the floor
"I would like a note if you were injured"
"I didn't know you needed one..."
Click Click Bang, Click Click Bang, now Fred had no arms and half a leg.
"I had a migraine" he cried at the to of his voice"
"Ill Give You A Fucking Migraine!" shouted the teacher
She pulled down the loading mechanism, aimed the gun at Fred's head. Silence fell over the corridor apart from Fred's crying an whimpering then............BANG!
 
 

After a freak accident involving a large pillar saw and a Year8's project the teacher, a one Mr. Alph had to be brutally transformed into a cyborg, the story goes like this...

One stormy day, when the sky was pissin' down with big fuckoff hail stones the size of old English sheep dogs testicles. I walked to the CDT department, the class had already started as I had been asked by my form tutor to move some maths shit to the hall where they were about to start an exam. Once in the workshop I found my project, it was a box, nothing fancy, no bells or whistles, just a box, everyone was making them, Mr. Alph had never had much of an imagination. After being made 
to sweat blood sanding it for three hours because I didn't do my homework I was ready to get the top cut off and work could be started on the inside. Mr. Alph was already by the big pillar saw chopping the tops of all the other peoples boxes. I gave him mine, he looked down his nose, almost saying "what do you expect me to do with this piece of crap". He turned and started up the saw, he seemed to be showing off now, as he was much more relaxed. But, little did Mr. Alph know, the roof had been
leaking, and one of the gutters above the room had burst, water was already dripping from the ceiling to where his feet were. As my box was pushed towards the razor sharp blade Mr. Alph slipped and fell  forward onto the perforated edge, he cried out load as his right arm fell to the floor, I laughed. Pulling himself up from the ground he grabbed the blade and his left arm was decimated from the elbow down, I never liked him anyway. In more pain then you could ever imagine (unless you happen to have a very good imagination) he pulled himself up and to his feet. Then he realized what that he had only three and a half limbs and fainted, fell backwards, hit his head on the lathe, cracking his skull and causing major brain damage.

The ambulance pulled away and as the last of the underpaid bints that are the school cleaning staff moped up the last drop of blood and walked out of the room the CDT Workshop was empty, in a flash of inspiration I stole 50 quid from Mr. Alph's wallet (he always left it on his desk).
 

Nurses and doctors crowded around the unconscious heap that was Mr. Alph, 
"I think we may need to remove his left arm" said a doctor with more body hair than a battle ax wielding highlander.
"Do It" ordered another one.
"Hey man. looks like he's been a bit like, ya know, kinda' hurt like..." added a trainee doctor with the voice of a 60's throwback on speed.
"Shut yerr face" said the Highlander.
"His left leg is loosing blood fast" said the other doctor "I don't know what to do..."

At this point Mr. Jake Crusher, head of the cybotics and mechanization came in, with a load of snotty hospital officials, he was looking for someone to test out his plans for a cyborg.....
 

And so it was. Mr. Alph had been transformed into an all singing all dancing robotic teacher with an unlimited attention span and a voice like someone hammering nails into a brick wall. CDT Would never be the same again.

As you well know, the school i visited is home to Mr. Alph, a Technology teacher that was transformed into a cyborg after a tragic (for him) accident.

After a very hot summer the CDT Workshop became infested with rats, but not just any rate, oh no! these rats had huge, Huge green eyes, and sets of big fuckoff teeth. It would of been fun to get one of two rats and run them through the sanding machine, or drill holes in them with the pillar drill, but no. Mr. Alph doesn't have a scene of humor (althow there were rumors that he did when he was a human).

I remember when I was in a tech lesson Mr. Alph picked up a thermal image on one of the beams running across the ceiling, In a split second his right arm morphed into a 45 mm machine gun and he walked across the room, with pupils running out of the way he raised his arm and started firing at the rat. Bullets sprayed over the steel gurder and sparks flew everywhere but the rat escaped through a hole into in the wall "Damn" muttered the bionic teacher as he walked back to his seat.

Five minutes later and the rat was back for more. This must of really pissed Mr. Alph of as he pulled put a small pistol from some hidden pouch and fired at the gurder, this took out half the ceiling and left a hole in the roof of the school, "got it" he muttered.

The hole has since been covered, and the rats have left.

The trip to France was to be a normal school occasion, however something happened that is nothing short of weird! these events took place on the second night of there nights, in about the cheapest hotel you could possibly imagine, you could poke a pencil through the wall and talk to the people in the next room (if you relay wanted to talk to some French hippies that were high on E' (and possibly viagra)).

Me and my friend had just got back to out room after a rather interesting night round all out friends rooms. It was 11 o' clock. We were supposed to be in bed at 10:30 but we didn't relay give two shits and a rats arse. We knew the teachers were on the way, but we had just got back in time, we quickly got into our beds, the knocking got closer, out door was next. We waited, and waited, no knock. "Ah well, maybe they have just gone for a quick drink" my friend said, we waited, "better not fall asleep, or they will knock and there will be no answer" I said. So we put the tele on and watched some crappy American film, this black guy says to this other black guy "shut your fuckin'' mouth" then the other one punches him in the face and uses the work 'Fuck' in about ten ways I have never known possible to use it.

12:00, still nothing, my friend got up and had a peep around the door, the corridor was empty apart from some drunken French bint wearing less clothing then the average girl in 8C, she staggered into the lift, never to be seen again.

12:10, getting a bit bored my friend looked round the door again to see Mrs. Jones with a small contact mic against the door of some whore girls from our school, headphones on her head she moves her hand down to suggest that we should be quiet, she moves closer to the door as the levels on this little meter go into the red peaks. Something was up....

12:30 Me and my friend by this time are back in our room, taking turns to peep out of the  little looking glass thing in out door. Mrs. Jones is still up against the door, but now she has more sound equipment than a professional recording studio. It was my turn to look, as I did I saw Mrs. Alic creep down the corridor with a small drill and a little hack saw in her hand, she continued to cut a hole in the floor big enough for her to fit down. She disaperd into the darkness under the floorboards. I turned round and my friend was looking out of the window with my binoculars, 
"see anything?" I asked
"Mr. Atkins" is on the roof of that multistory car park with a sniper rifle" he said quite
carmley
"Shit!" I cried, but not too loud. "If he shoots the bimbos who will clean up the mess?"
Looking back through the hole in the door I could see several wires going into the floor, ever more audio shit was stacking up, and there was now a timer sticking out of the top of this bag of wires and crap. Mrs. Alic popped up and said in her annoying voice "all set".
Mrs. Jones picked up a little radio and whispered something down it.
"Mr. Atkins is getting ready to shoot" said my friend "Oh no, he's stopped, now he is eating mars bar" (Mr. Atkins was a total lard ass)
A crack came from the roof of the car park. The window of the room next door smashed, and all the light that was spilling from under the door or the 8C bimbo whores vanished, 
"Bloody 'ell" whispered my friend "Mr. Atkins just slid down a zip line and onto the roof
of the hotel".
Mrs. Jones press a button on her little detonator and the hinges on the door went white 
with heat and vanished, the door fell into Mrs. Alic's hands. it was obvious they had done this before. The walked into the room, guns loaded.
"Right, everyone out" shouted Mrs. Jones
The two teachers pulled out about seven girls, all with their hands over their heads. Then Mr. Atkins came out of the door, with another, he must of assailed down the fukin'' wall.

01:00 Still no sign of any teachers at the door so we just watched French porn for the rest of the night.